Here are some of my impressions from Trek Show '05...............
1. Do we really need a 30 minute fashion show to introduce the '06 Nike line? I think we save the dealers and their employees from looking at female models with bodies that resemble something akin to sausage skins half filled with jello. I mean, did these people have their spines removed surgically? I can't even begin to stand with my hips out past my feet, and my shoulders behind my hips! Freaks! Freaks I Say!!
2. Then we have the amped up rave music, or whatever that noyze wuz. It makes U styoo-pid, that's fer shoo-yah. They playz-zit awl nite long, 2. Kah-ray-zay!
3. Show bikes that are pre-production, or pre-pre-production, or, as in at least one case, is a plastic model! This is great! Dealers come in to make purchasing decisions based on what might be! Yeah, take a look at this new "bike". Wanna sniff some glue? I don't think the joints are cured yet! Fantastic!
4. Road bikes re-invented! It's the "Lance" factor, or something, I guess because there are so many different road bike models that it'll make your head spin. "Okay, here we have the Pilot 5.2, which comes in a double OR a triple crank, flat bar OR a drop bar model, OR you could get a 5.2 Madone, OR you could get a Madone SL, of course there is the triple OR the double crank option...........AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!
3. Klein......yeah, ummm.....there over there, somewhere in an alleyway all by themselves.......mumble.....couple a models......OKAY! Let's move on, shall we!
4. Paper catalogs: In '04, we saw stacks and stacks of catalogs. This year.........(crickets)...........
5. Last year we could easily find a representative to answer any of our questions. This year was more like,"Hey! A little help over here. Do you mind?"........(crickets)........... "Thanks, Buddy!"
6. Paint jobs were pretty cool! I have to have a Fisher X-Cal frame and fork! Orange with green clearcoat, ARE YOU KIDDING! YES!!!!
7. Monona Center, where the show was held, is an awesome place. The veiw over the lake is spectacular. This is where we ate. They could feed me green jello with anchovies here and I'd think I was eating like a king! Stop by and check it out if your ever in Madison. Bonus: It was designed by some "special person", I think his name was Frank Lloyd something or other......Wright? I dunno.........
8. Due to the abscence of helpful Trek employees, Carlos and I were unable to acertain the proper procedure, or times for the dirt demo. Thanks, Buddies!
9. Hillary Duff was in Madison at the same time as I was. I'm sure, just sure that she had goosebumps. I could feel it!
10. Trek Factory Gnome, Zapata Espinosa was no where in sight! I looked for the little twirp, too! Someone did report that they saw him sitting in a chair, cooling his heels somewhere. Slacker!
11. Carlos and I took in the Trek Concept Store on the West side of Madison. If you ever get there, check out the bulletin board with black and whites of all the current employees. My favorite: Kitty, shown sitting on a toilet. Really nice! ( Well, you really don't see the toilet, but she looks like she is sitting next to a fixture holding a roll of toilet paper- so, you know....) Did I just write the word fixture?
'17 Fool's Gold (not quite) 60: Part Two
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