Trans Iowa Stories: Life And Happenings

These 'prairie sunflowers' always remind me of my Grandpa Stevenson.

 "Trans Iowa Stories" is an every Sunday post which helps tell the stories behind the event. You can check out other posts about this subject  by clicking on the "Trans Iowa Stories" link under the blog header. Thanks and enjoy!

I think I should warn you: This post gets pretty personal. So proceed with caution....

As the latter years of Trans Iowa unfolded I had a lot going on behind the scenes with regard to life outside of cycling, and outside of Trans Iowa, but still related to cycling also. Because, well, one thing affects the other, right? Much of this I never shared with anyone openly, and certainly never here on this blog. But regardless, what happens in life often does affect us in our passions and endeavors. So it was for me as well. 

The thing is, after awhile you get comfortable with Life. You wake up and each day is largely predictable, overall. Things take on a feel that 'this won't change', but when you stop to think about it, that is not reality. We get too comfortable and when things finally do change, it may come as a shock in many ways. 

Probably the first 'wake-up call', I guess you could call it, was when my Grandfather died in the early Fall of 2013. I was asked to be a pall bearer, so I went up to the old family lands, which are around Lime Springs/Chester, Iowa, and saw relatives long forgotten. Many of them distantly related to my Grandpa, because when you are 102 and then die, you've likely outlasted most of your peers. Such was the case with my Grandpa. 

Something about that shocked me, and since Grandpa was one of my 'heroes' as a child, it hit me in that way also. Here we were, standing around with people who hardly knew the man with few exceptions, and me being one of the youngest there. At any rate, this situation struck a chord with me that resonates yet today. Then a few years passed and it was late Winter, 2016. I was deep into thoughts concerning the next Trans Iowa, v12, and I received word that my Father had died in Texas. 

Now, I had a very broken relationship with my father for, well......ever since I can remember. He and I did not have what you would call 'normal' anything in regard to relations. He was verbally abusive and not very caring. But that all was dealt with on my end while I was in my 20's. That's a whole 'nuther story, as they say. The point is, we did not have anything resembling a 'close' relationship. This was not a big deal for me at the time of his death, but - you know - it's your Dad. So, that kind of struck another chord with me. 

Big empty skies and a long ribbon of gravel - An antidote for a worried mind.

Then, in March of 2016, I was made aware that my Mother was in decline. It was at Easter dinner that year, which was in late March, just about a month out from T.I.v12. My step father took me aside, and in no uncertain terms told me that this was the last time that he would allow my Mom to do an Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or anything again. That was it. No more! 

He stated it with such finality that it was as if my Mom had already died. And perhaps she was already gone. Dementia is like that. Anyway, you can imagine how that might have been a very negative thing to have come my way. Especially as I was already stressing out about Trans Iowa. 

So, then merely one week after Trans Iowa v12, my maternal Grandmother died. And while it was after Trans Iowa v12, this was another heavy blow to me personally. In combination with all that had been happening to my family anyway, this was just another blow to my desires to do selfish things like dealing with a bicycling event. Especially when it was taking time away from those I should have been seeing. Taking time away from my wife and kids. I was seeing how 'life is short' and that we are not guaranteed another day. I was weighing a lot of things in the balance. 

So, the seeds were being sown for a decision. I wrestled with that from T.I.v10 onward pretty mightily, and these 'back stories' to the event.... Which is really looking at this in the wrong way- Trans Iowa should be the 'back story'. But I wrestled with being a provider of chances for people's growth and for providing a life-enriching experience, and that other side which was pulling me back into my family. It was rough, I'll tell ya that much. 

Maybe you'd have had to have put on an event to understand, but these were the days in which my soul was tormented between going on and putting a stop to Trans Iowa. And of course, there were other specters and demons awaiting me in the quietest hours of my days and nights which tormented me as well. I'll get around to those at another time. But this tale here was what was going on around the time of Trans Iowa v12, and it was something I never want to have to go through again.

Next: The Table Is Set