Virtual Turkey Burn Ride Report: Warren's Crew Gets Started

 Turkey Burn Victory Ride(s)

"Talk to me Goose"

For me, any time I get on my bike and start to pedal it is a victory to celebrate. The first block leaving home is up a small hill. Standing up to pedal the hill usually causes me to celebrate the victory by yelling whatever the universal cycling comment ("UCC") currently is among our riding Crew. The current UCC is probably "Talk to me Goose" depending on who is talking or telling the story. Get a flat - Talk to me Goose; Chug a cold Coke at Casey's - Talk to me Goose; Late for a ride/bonk on a ride - Talk to me Goose; Stand up to pedal the hill - well you know.

Everybody Knows Your (Real) Name

Years ago Elden Nelson, aka The Fat Cyclist, had a Friend of Fatty with the nickname _______ "Not His Real Name." I haven't checked with the Crew that I ride with re: using their real names so I'll just say there is a Crew and most of them have real names. When we get together to ride it's something like a Red Bull version of the Cheers TV song "You wanna go where everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came" combined with the drums and guitar (high volume) from your preferred loud rock song. No idea how that would sound musically but that's something like the spark when we gather to ride.

If You Would Have Started Instead of Talking About Starting . . .

A big part of the Crew is going to 2025 Mid South to ride and finish together as a group. The last time we rode and finished an event together it took 14 hours to finish the Flint Hills 125. We could have finished much sooner but for two predictable events: (1) one of the Crew wasn't at the starting line when the gun went off; and (2) a Mennonite thought he could get one more ride on a worn out tire that should have been replaced a month before the event. This fall there's been a lot of excitement and talk about next spring's group trip to Stillwater but relatively few miles have actually been ridden to get ready for Mid South.

When Mark announced the Turkey Burn challenge it sounded like the voice of my Mom saying "If you would have started instead of talking about starting, you'd be done by now." The final words of this familiar phrase were often drowned out by the big spring slamming the screen door shut as my Mom was out the door on the move "Doing" instead of talking about doing.

The Turkey Burn was the start of "Doing" for the Mid South. The Crew dispersed for Thanksgiving, but rode in three states; single speed and geared; inside and outside for a total of 270 combined miles. The Turkey Burn birthed the now weekly Sunday night roll call for total Crew miles for the week. Everybody knows your name and wants to know how many miles you got this week. Without the Turkey Burn lighting the fuse - the Crew would still be talking about starting instead of "Doing." A big thanks thanks to Mark and Mom.

 

So, Did I Actually Ride?

Well in true Victory ride fashion, there were rides that were planned that never happened. The nicest weather for the week in Kansas was for Tuesday and Wednesday before Thanksgiving with the goal to get in some big miles, maybe even a night hundo. Actual miles ridden during the nice weather - zero, for a variety of reasons, see last paragraph. Also true of Victory rides were the rides that started but ended up shorter than expected. The first ride came with an unexpected snow storm that made for perfect riding in three inches of untracked powder. Headed up the hill on the bike "Talk to me Goose" and rode three miles before returning home to add sealant to the rear tire (operator neglect). Just as I finished adding sealant it stopped snowing which led to shoveling the snow before everybody walked/drove over it. Short version of a long story - three miles was the ride total for the day - see last paragraph. A non-riding crew showed up and the first batch of Grandma's Red Stuff was produced, followed by the first batch of great Grandma's zwiebach. 

 

3 mile snow ride

 

Red stuff and Zwiebach (A recipe can be seen HERE)

Well Did I Ride More Than 3 Miles?

Yes, yes I did. 30 miles to work to drive home the car I left there when I commuted home by bike. The commute travels the Scenic River Road which is a mostly gravel road that follows the railroad track that follows the Kaw River. I know most of the dogs and dog owners by name and each commute is a big Victory ride.

The crown jewel ride of the Turkey Burn was Sunday afternoon. The plan was to start at the church at 1:00, at 1:05 it was revised to 1:30, at 1:30 there was one rider at the church and two riders "on the way." Talk to me Goose! Glad we were riding together to offset the cold and cloudy weather. We headed out to Scenic River Road on patchy snow until we reached the hilly part of the route in the trees that gets no sun in the winter. After riding up the first small hill we saw that the road was covered in snow/ice and it was decision time. All in-ride decisions are determined by the commandment from the wife of one of the OG's "Don't do anything Stupid." Well "Stupid" is measured, not by what you think in the field, but rather by how it's going to sound explaining your thinking/decision to non-riding family members when somebody has to be picked up in the country or visits urgent care or the emergency room. We rode to the top of the first hill and turned around because it would be hard to explain to those at home that a broken bone from falling off your bike on an icy road wasn't "Stupid." When we got back to town we rode around on the bike path until we hit 30 total miles.

Going forward we owe Mark and the Turkey Burn a big Thank You for getting the Crew started on training for Mid South. A by-product of starting training for Mid South is the winter long good stuff that leads up to doing an event together with a group: rationalizing training rides at unusual hours; results of the Sunday night mileage Roll Call; endless discussions about conditioning, equipment, tires, kit, layers, rain gear, 10 day Stillwater weather forecast; the trip down and back; and maybe even a new UCC. So I guess we owe Mark and the Turkey Burn an even bigger Thank You for all of that too. 

 

Don't Be Stupid Ride

 

The Best for Last Paragraph

 

Below is possibly the best description of why every ride is a Victory ride.  As far as I know none of the Crew ever made Charlie's list, at least not using their real name.

From Charlie Farrow's blog: https://cpfarrow.blogspot.com/2011/02/list-is-here.html    Note:  Charlie's blog should be read only after finishing your ride for the day - never before.  If the link above does not work, Charlie's blog is also linked on Mark's Guitar Ted Productions blog.   

Disclaimer 1: Only old and stressed, albeit “impressive” people are allowed on THE LIST ‘cuz itz easy to do extraordinary things on a bike when a guy is young and fancy free. The older you are the better your chances. So if you are a guy under forty years-of-age without sore knees, a wife, or polyps on your colon, or scars on your shoulders or if you are a young fella without any snotty-nosed kids yanking at your pant-legs or getting’ in trouble at school, or if you are without a hyper-active dog that is constantly “on-the-lam” and/or if you are without a high mortgage payment, or an angry boss, or if you are not given impossible tasks to do at work, or if you are not surrounded by incompetent workers or if you are without exorbitantly high student-loans, or diabetic cats (or the like) then you would have really had to do something incredibly special in cycling in 2010 to make this LIST. A youngin’ that rides hard, eats right, don’t drink, and then goes home to sleep at his parent’s house with nary a worry in the world, of course can do great things in racing!!! Guyz that make The List are under the gun in their day-jobs and in their everyday lives…To them training “aint work,” training is a way to escape reality, to feel FREE! And the actual racing part is easy, itz the after racing part when ya gotta go home and take the dog for a long walk, coach a youth soccer team, or take the kid to hockey practice that really tests these guyz endurance. They don’t dread training, they look forward to training. Most of the time, they have to train at all hours of the day, super early in the morning or late night, if they are gonna “get one in.” These guyz do it all, plus they are darn good cyclists as well, and thatz why they made THE LIST!

Should Have Added "Talk to me Goose"

 One Turkey Burn ride report just about broke me - someone else will have to write the Mid South report. I have no idea how Mark has written a daily post for 20+ years. There must be a big spring on the screen door at his house . . . Thanks again for helping so many people get to "Doing" and V for Victory. WW 

Hey, what a fantastic ride report from Kansas! Thank you, Warren and "The Crew"! Good luck on your preparations for Mid-South. You guys will have an awesome time. Great reference to the legendary Charlie Farrow as well. If you don't know Charlie Farrow, you can glean a bit from his blog, (still there after all these years!) and see maybe what it was about the early gravel scene that was so different than today. Charlie is a treasure, and is one of the criminally under-credited folks in terms of gravel  riding and culture. I know Charlie is still out there riding, but he doesn't seek anyone's approval, 'likes' , nor does he cotton to all this "modern stuff" like social media. Thanks for bringing Charlie some much deserved attention, Warren!