Re-Entry

 The clock doesn't stop and whether or not I was ready to do this, I was determined to do it. It may not seem like a big deal to many people, but I went back to work on Saturday for the first time since my son died a little over a week ago now.

So.....it isn't a thing I would know anything about. I was going at this blind to what may occur. I could only guess and maybe I would be alright, or maybe I wouldn't. You end up just pushing off from shore and hope the boat is sealed up tight.

My co-worker, Carl, is someone pretty special to me. He's been through a lot in life, and he deals with tough health issues and mental issues as well. He adored my son Jacob. Carl often reminded me at random times while we worked how special Jacob was and that I was a lucky dad. He wasn't wrong.

Well, the day Jacob died I was supposed to be at work. I had to call Carl because I didn't want him to find out later from someone else what had happened and why I did not come into work. I hated to have to make that call, and Carl's reaction, while not surprising to me, made me feel really bad. He was crushed. 

Actually, it was the first thing I felt that day besides shock. I was still very upset about it when I went back to work, and I felt I needed to apologize to Carl for how this made everything turn upside down for him. But he was gracious and he said he was glad I called and he wasn't upset about what I did. He confirmed my feeling when he told me he didn't want to hear the news second hand.

Work started, I kind of was numb to it all. I wasn't myself, but I didn't probably show it to many. My friend Tony was in and I knew he could see it. He's pretty sharp. But I sold two bicycles and we made progress on finishing up a couple of bikes for the floor. All in all, it wasn't bad. 

I made it.  I didn't sink.