A Loss

Waiting for riders at the Cherry Grove Checkpoint for Alamnzo 100 2017

 I never wanted or expected I would ever have to write a post like this. In fact, I almost did not write it. However; there is a part of me which wanted to find some solace in normality. I guess this is something common when you experience a loss.

On Saturday morning, August 2nd, we found our son, Jacob Stevenson, dead in his room. He died of unknown causes in his sleep sometime that evening. He had just turned 22 on July 24th. 

I suppose I could say a lot of things, but keeping it bicycle related, I will share the following things about my son. First: He was a good man. He cared fiercely about those he loved. And when it came to serving others, there was no hesitation

This was evident from the few times he came alongside me to facilitate a few bicycle events. His earliest memory, and one he cherished, was of a time I was a record keeper at a local mountain biking race at Ingawanis Woodlands where he probably was about 4 years old. I had him stationed on the single track about 20 yards away from me to help me spot riders coming up.  That stuck with him, for whatever reason, but was an early example of his willingness and excitement to serve.

Again, a similar situation arose at two of the Almanzo events I helped support with Riding Gravel.  I know Jacob made a big impression on many riders with his servicing them by getting water bottles filled. I will always cherish the memory I have of him snatching bottles from one riders cages before he knew what was up. Jacob running off to fill them, and then the rider staring bewildered as Jacob came back with two full bottles for him. 

Of course, these were but a pittance of so many memories and examples I cannot take time to recount here. But I am proud of the man he was, and how he was an example of selfless servitude at times. I hope to mirror this quality and honor his memory in the future by doing so. 

Apologies for the heavy post on a Monday. Thank you for reading, and I'll be back tomorrow as usual.  

Tis The Season

From the 1st day of Trans Iowa v10

 Once again, the ol' Facebook machine has been pumping memories back into the timelines of several folks concerning Trans Iowa, and obviously I get a lot of that as well. The last week of April will always be "that time" for me as long as I'm able to remember. 

It won't always be social media, and it hasn't been that, which will, and does remind me of those times. It is the way the Sun hits, the sounds of Robins and Cardinals in the trees, and the crisp evening air that brings me right back to those days when I was bounding around Iowa in an old beat up Honda, or a Volkswagon, or maybe a Subaru. Sometimes by myself. Other times with cherished friends. Of course, I still have that old Toyota truck, so I get reminded of Trans Iowa every time I sit in that thing. But it is really the season, this time of year, that gets me nostalgic, and maybe even a bit misty-eyed when those old memories come back to haunt me. 

The weather too. Wind, rain, wild temperature swings, and maybe even a whiff of snow. (Remembering the start of Trans Iowa v4 in Decorah there.) Sometimes I think about what the weather was at certain junctures of Trans Iowa. We rode some storms out! We had some beautiful weather as well. Springtime in Iowa. What can I say? 

Somewhere North of Mason City, Iowa during the night of Trans Iowa v1

Personally I experience a lot of emotions when I think about the hours and hours that I spent alone in the country, especially at night, over the course of Trans Iowa's run. No one knows about those times, and probably no one else really cares, but for me? Those were some very memorable times. 

I remember how hard those times were to get through. I remember being really "alone", cut-off from the world, and wondering what the heck I was doing out there anyway. I had a lot of time to think things through. It was good. It was not fun at times, but it was good. 

Matt Gersib serenading me on his ukulele during Trans Iowa v12 near Melbourne, Iowa.

 But there were awesome times spent with companions during the nights on certain Trans Iowa events. David Pals was invaluable as a companion on some of those long, cold nights. Matt Gersib too. He was a life-saver, and I shared my last Trans Iowa overnight with him, which will always be one of my chief memories of doing that event. We saw the good and the bad and we still get along with each other through it all. Gotta say that means a lot to me. These are the things that get to me when I start remembering things at this time of the year. 

From T.I.v8. Image taker unknown.

Then I think about all the mini-chaotic situations we probably caused over the course of 14 years. Mainly at convenience stores. Riders would come in at all-hours, muddy, dirty, sweaty, with weird clothing on, and looking half-dead. Wandering aisles for who-knows-what grub to fuel the next one hundred miles. On gravel? What?!! Yeah.... I missed most of that, but I've heard the stories. 

And of course, the people and their love for Trans Iowa mean a lot as well.

 I did hear a lot about what the riders thought about the ol' event. I have to admit that it is amazing to me that the love shown the event, and to me, has been amazing. It still is amazing to me. Of course, I appreciate it greatly, and this time of year brings that back to mind again as well. 

A comment on Trans Iowa and its influence sent to me in 2020

What's weird is - at least it seems weird to me - is how Trans Iowa still inspires people to this day. People that weren't ever in the event even. They sometimes get a hold of me just to say that T.I. did something to them that inspired. It's uncanny to me that some weirdo event on gravel in Iowa that I was a part of did anything inspirational after it was over. I mean, I figured it would get forgotten almost immediately. 

And when that happened, well I would just as well have been a ghost as well. But nothing could have been further from the truth, even though I was at peace with fading away, people aren't letting that happen. 

The whole Gravel Cycling Hall of Fame deal now has pretty much ensured that I am remembered by at least a few folks, so I may as well give up the idea that I was going to become "just another guy" in this life of gravel riding. Ha! And that's fine with me. It's nothing I can do anything about anyway. Not that I would, but....you know! 

A tribute to Bill Pontious, who was a Trans Iowa rider that died unexpectedly in 2014.

 I cannot live through the last week of April anymore without thinking of those who were part of Trans Iowa that are no longer with us. I feel privileged  to have met these folks via Trans Iowa, honored that they chose to ride in my event, and sorry that they lost their lives too soon. Bill Pontious, Paul Black, Joel Dyke, Kyle Platts, and Joe Mann - Thank you and God Speed! 

So yeah.... This week! Almost all the Trans Iowa events, save for T.I.v5 which was held the first weekend in May that year, are packed into this last week of April. That's a lot of memories coming home to roost at this point for me. It can be overwhelming. Almost to the point that I want to shut it all out. But that would be an unproductive attempt at blocking out things that, really, should be celebrated and considered. 

So, forgive me this one post to help me tie a bow on this last week of April. I needed to write this probably more than anyone out there needed to read it, so thank you! 

I hope you all have a great weekend!

Tis The Season

From the 1st day of Trans Iowa v10

 Once again, the ol' Facebook machine has been pumping memories back into the timelines of several folks concerning Trans Iowa, and obviously I get a lot of that as well. The last week of April will always be "that time" for me as long as I'm able to remember. 

It won't always be social media, and it hasn't been that, which will, and does remind me of those times. It is the way the Sun hits, the sounds of Robins and Cardinals in the trees, and the crisp evening air that brings me right back to those days when I was bounding around Iowa in an old beat up Honda, or a Volkswagon, or maybe a Subaru. Sometimes by myself. Other times with cherished friends. Of course, I still have that old Toyota truck, so I get reminded of Trans Iowa every time I sit in that thing. But it is really the season, this time of year, that gets me nostalgic, and maybe even a bit misty-eyed when those old memories come back to haunt me. 

The weather too. Wind, rain, wild temperature swings, and maybe even a whiff of snow. (Remembering the start of Trans Iowa v4 in Decorah there.) Sometimes I think about what the weather was at certain junctures of Trans Iowa. We rode some storms out! We had some beautiful weather as well. Springtime in Iowa. What can I say? 

Somewhere North of Mason City, Iowa during the night of Trans Iowa v1

Personally I experience a lot of emotions when I think about the hours and hours that I spent alone in the country, especially at night, over the course of Trans Iowa's run. No one knows about those times, and probably no one else really cares, but for me? Those were some very memorable times. 

I remember how hard those times were to get through. I remember being really "alone", cut-off from the world, and wondering what the heck I was doing out there anyway. I had a lot of time to think things through. It was good. It was not fun at times, but it was good. 

Matt Gersib serenading me on his ukulele during Trans Iowa v12 near Melbourne, Iowa.

 But there were awesome times spent with companions during the nights on certain Trans Iowa events. David Pals was invaluable as a companion on some of those long, cold nights. Matt Gersib too. He was a life-saver, and I shared my last Trans Iowa overnight with him, which will always be one of my chief memories of doing that event. We saw the good and the bad and we still get along with each other through it all. Gotta say that means a lot to me. These are the things that get to me when I start remembering things at this time of the year. 

From T.I.v8. Image taker unknown.

Then I think about all the mini-chaotic situations we probably caused over the course of 14 years. Mainly at convenience stores. Riders would come in at all-hours, muddy, dirty, sweaty, with weird clothing on, and looking half-dead. Wandering aisles for who-knows-what grub to fuel the next one hundred miles. On gravel? What?!! Yeah.... I missed most of that, but I've heard the stories. 

And of course, the people and their love for Trans Iowa mean a lot as well.

 I did hear a lot about what the riders thought about the ol' event. I have to admit that it is amazing to me that the love shown the event, and to me, has been amazing. It still is amazing to me. Of course, I appreciate it greatly, and this time of year brings that back to mind again as well. 

A comment on Trans Iowa and its influence sent to me in 2020

What's weird is - at least it seems weird to me - is how Trans Iowa still inspires people to this day. People that weren't ever in the event even. They sometimes get a hold of me just to say that T.I. did something to them that inspired. It's uncanny to me that some weirdo event on gravel in Iowa that I was a part of did anything inspirational after it was over. I mean, I figured it would get forgotten almost immediately. 

And when that happened, well I would just as well have been a ghost as well. But nothing could have been further from the truth, even though I was at peace with fading away, people aren't letting that happen. 

The whole Gravel Cycling Hall of Fame deal now has pretty much ensured that I am remembered by at least a few folks, so I may as well give up the idea that I was going to become "just another guy" in this life of gravel riding. Ha! And that's fine with me. It's nothing I can do anything about anyway. Not that I would, but....you know! 

A tribute to Bill Pontious, who was a Trans Iowa rider that died unexpectedly in 2014.

 I cannot live through the last week of April anymore without thinking of those who were part of Trans Iowa that are no longer with us. I feel privileged  to have met these folks via Trans Iowa, honored that they chose to ride in my event, and sorry that they lost their lives too soon. Bill Pontious, Paul Black, Joel Dyke, Kyle Platts, and Joe Mann - Thank you and God Speed! 

So yeah.... This week! Almost all the Trans Iowa events, save for T.I.v5 which was held the first weekend in May that year, are packed into this last week of April. That's a lot of memories coming home to roost at this point for me. It can be overwhelming. Almost to the point that I want to shut it all out. But that would be an unproductive attempt at blocking out things that, really, should be celebrated and considered. 

So, forgive me this one post to help me tie a bow on this last week of April. I needed to write this probably more than anyone out there needed to read it, so thank you! 

I hope you all have a great weekend!

Seems Some Folks Miss It

Fifteen years ago on the second GTDRI event. Image by C. Heintz

 Social media is definitely an odd thing. Totally a love-hate relationship for me. On the one hand, it has ruined a lot of our culture and how individuals get along, and on the other hand it has fomented good changes in culture and brought up memories of times past which are- sometimes- good. In the case of the last week or so, it has mostly been good times that have resurfaced on Facebook concerning the Guitar Ted Death Ride Invitational. 

If you've been around this blog a few years or longer, you know all about this ride. If you are new, hit that link to see all the reasons why that ride might be of note for some. There is about 15 years of history behind the ride. 

When COVID hit, obviously I wasn't going to hold a GTDRI. So, last year I dropped the "I" at the end of the ride's name and did a solo version of it. Just like in the beginning of that whole idea. When 2021 looked as though things might open back up, I just was not feeling motivated anymore to invite a gaggle of folks on the risk that 'it might be okay' to do so. I wasn't convinced it would be in time to set anything up, and so I let it go and declared an end to the series. Except for myself, that is. I do have a GTDR (Note- no "I") planned yet. 

Anyway, that's not why I am writing today. I'm writing today because it warms my heart to see others posting old memories of the ride with some fondness. That brings me some joy, and if you were one of the few that did that- thank you! It means a lot that you cherish the memories. I know I certainly do. 

This never was a really 'big' group ride. I would say the average attendance was less than a dozen riders. A few years there we had upwards of 20-25 riders show up. One year there were only three of us! Most times there were 10-12. But regardless of how many showed up, there was always- every year- an adventure. Some times it was fun, other times it was a real slog. But there were always adventures. And where there are adventures, there are memories, and so it should come as no surprise that now these would resurface. 

"Never say never", the saying goes. I may bring this back again for fun, but as of now, I'm flying solo on this idea. Thanks to all of you out there that were a part of the past GTDRI's. I owe a lot to you all!

Seems Some Folks Miss It

Fifteen years ago on the second GTDRI event. Image by C. Heintz

 Social media is definitely an odd thing. Totally a love-hate relationship for me. On the one hand, it has ruined a lot of our culture and how individuals get along, and on the other hand it has fomented good changes in culture and brought up memories of times past which are- sometimes- good. In the case of the last week or so, it has mostly been good times that have resurfaced on Facebook concerning the Guitar Ted Death Ride Invitational. 

If you've been around this blog a few years or longer, you know all about this ride. If you are new, hit that link to see all the reasons why that ride might be of note for some. There is about 15 years of history behind the ride. 

When COVID hit, obviously I wasn't going to hold a GTDRI. So, last year I dropped the "I" at the end of the ride's name and did a solo version of it. Just like in the beginning of that whole idea. When 2021 looked as though things might open back up, I just was not feeling motivated anymore to invite a gaggle of folks on the risk that 'it might be okay' to do so. I wasn't convinced it would be in time to set anything up, and so I let it go and declared an end to the series. Except for myself, that is. I do have a GTDR (Note- no "I") planned yet. 

Anyway, that's not why I am writing today. I'm writing today because it warms my heart to see others posting old memories of the ride with some fondness. That brings me some joy, and if you were one of the few that did that- thank you! It means a lot that you cherish the memories. I know I certainly do. 

This never was a really 'big' group ride. I would say the average attendance was less than a dozen riders. A few years there we had upwards of 20-25 riders show up. One year there were only three of us! Most times there were 10-12. But regardless of how many showed up, there was always- every year- an adventure. Some times it was fun, other times it was a real slog. But there were always adventures. And where there are adventures, there are memories, and so it should come as no surprise that now these would resurface. 

"Never say never", the saying goes. I may bring this back again for fun, but as of now, I'm flying solo on this idea. Thanks to all of you out there that were a part of the past GTDRI's. I owe a lot to you all!

Missing It Again

From the Renegade Gent's Race 2011

 Maybe Facebook is good for some things. Things like jolting your memory with reminders of things you posted years ago. Such was the case the other day when a reminder of the Renegade Gent's Race popped up.

I was pretty pumped last year in January thinking that I'd be partaking in my tenth Renegade Gent's event in a row. But, ya know....... No need to remind anyone why that didn't happen, right? Of course, there was the thought that maybe the pandemic would ease off in the Fall and, ya know, we'd get the band back together then. Well, yeah...... Now it is 2021 and we've still to get around to that bit just yet.

There is chatter that the "Gents" will happen in June this year, and maybe it will. I don't know what is going to happen, but I told one of my "Careless Whispers" teammates that if it does, count me in. So, maybe we'll have a bit of a reunion then. It will be odd not to be doing this in April, but we'll see. No matter what, it won't quite be the same anyway. 

Why? Because June weather will be totally different. Why? Because of COVID-19 precautions. Why? Because my team is changed. Things are different now. Does that mean it is going to be a bad time, or "less than good"? No, no it doesn't. It just means it won't be the same anymore. It may end up being even better than before, or not, but one thing I know is that it will not be the same. 

We have this thing called 'nostalgia'. The familiar, the comfortable, and the 'known' are all things that make us want for the 'old times'. But if the Gent's thing does happen, I will go and it will be a thing I have no idea about. I will have (probably) two new teammates due to circumstances of the time. I will have a completely new weather experience, and with COVID protocols in place, I don't know that the situation I once knew will happen. In fact, I know it won't. 

But that's all good. New isn't necessarily 'bad', it's just most definitely 'different', and maybe uncomfortable. I don't have to make that a 'worse than' situation, but I should make that an opportunity, just like the first Gent's race was an opportunity. I mean, talk about your chances for things to suck! A new event, three people I needed to work with that I had never met before, and an area I had never ridden in before. It all could have gone completely pear shaped, and before it happened? I was anxious, nervous, and afraid. 

Team captain, Steve Fuller,won't be able to attend in '21.

I was really nervous about that first Gent's event. "Would these guys like me? Would I be treated as the 'outsider'? Because on my team, I was the only one not from the Des Moines cycling community, and I figured that humans being what they are, cliques and friendships may find me on the outside looking in. Much like it was when I went to visit in Minneapolis. 

But nothing could have been further from the truth. In fact, quite the opposite happened. I was taken in and treated as an equal, and more than that, friendships were formed that last until this day. I had no reason to believe that would happen before the event. It was going to be a HUGE change for me. But I am so glad I was able to break through that wall of fear that could have kept me from experiencing almost a decade of awesome times. 

The memories of the Renegade Gent's Race will always be something I cherish the rest of my life. If I can add to those in a way that is meaningful? Why not? Yes, things have changed. It never will be like the old times, but then again- it shouldn't be. Why not get a bit uncomfortable, charge into a new-ish situation, and see if there might be something there that can make me grow? 

So, again- maybe it won't happen,but if it does, I am already willing and able to accept a new deal. A new situation that may be great in its own way and that may give me things I never dreamed I'd gain in life. It will be fun if I let it be fun. I have a big say in the outcome, I realize that. I'll be making sure that I take the opportunity seriously if it happens. 

And if I never ride another Renegade Gent's Race again? I'm good with that. I will never be bitter about that possibility. I have already made so many great memories that it cannot be measured in value. Friendships were made. Experiences shared. Things I am not very proud of and things I am extremely proud of are parts of those memories. The Gent's Race will always be a highlight of my life. The possibility of adding to that? I'll take the chances......

Missing It Again

From the Renegade Gent's Race 2011

 Maybe Facebook is good for some things. Things like jolting your memory with reminders of things you posted years ago. Such was the case the other day when a reminder of the Renegade Gent's Race popped up.

I was pretty pumped last year in January thinking that I'd be partaking in my tenth Renegade Gent's event in a row. But, ya know....... No need to remind anyone why that didn't happen, right? Of course, there was the thought that maybe the pandemic would ease off in the Fall and, ya know, we'd get the band back together then. Well, yeah...... Now it is 2021 and we've still to get around to that bit just yet.

There is chatter that the "Gents" will happen in June this year, and maybe it will. I don't know what is going to happen, but I told one of my "Careless Whispers" teammates that if it does, count me in. So, maybe we'll have a bit of a reunion then. It will be odd not to be doing this in April, but we'll see. No matter what, it won't quite be the same anyway. 

Why? Because June weather will be totally different. Why? Because of COVID-19 precautions. Why? Because my team is changed. Things are different now. Does that mean it is going to be a bad time, or "less than good"? No, no it doesn't. It just means it won't be the same anymore. It may end up being even better than before, or not, but one thing I know is that it will not be the same. 

We have this thing called 'nostalgia'. The familiar, the comfortable, and the 'known' are all things that make us want for the 'old times'. But if the Gent's thing does happen, I will go and it will be a thing I have no idea about. I will have (probably) two new teammates due to circumstances of the time. I will have a completely new weather experience, and with COVID protocols in place, I don't know that the situation I once knew will happen. In fact, I know it won't. 

But that's all good. New isn't necessarily 'bad', it's just most definitely 'different', and maybe uncomfortable. I don't have to make that a 'worse than' situation, but I should make that an opportunity, just like the first Gent's race was an opportunity. I mean, talk about your chances for things to suck! A new event, three people I needed to work with that I had never met before, and an area I had never ridden in before. It all could have gone completely pear shaped, and before it happened? I was anxious, nervous, and afraid. 

Team captain, Steve Fuller,won't be able to attend in '21.

I was really nervous about that first Gent's event. "Would these guys like me? Would I be treated as the 'outsider'? Because on my team, I was the only one not from the Des Moines cycling community, and I figured that humans being what they are, cliques and friendships may find me on the outside looking in. Much like it was when I went to visit in Minneapolis. 

But nothing could have been further from the truth. In fact, quite the opposite happened. I was taken in and treated as an equal, and more than that, friendships were formed that last until this day. I had no reason to believe that would happen before the event. It was going to be a HUGE change for me. But I am so glad I was able to break through that wall of fear that could have kept me from experiencing almost a decade of awesome times. 

The memories of the Renegade Gent's Race will always be something I cherish the rest of my life. If I can add to those in a way that is meaningful? Why not? Yes, things have changed. It never will be like the old times, but then again- it shouldn't be. Why not get a bit uncomfortable, charge into a new-ish situation, and see if there might be something there that can make me grow? 

So, again- maybe it won't happen,but if it does, I am already willing and able to accept a new deal. A new situation that may be great in its own way and that may give me things I never dreamed I'd gain in life. It will be fun if I let it be fun. I have a big say in the outcome, I realize that. I'll be making sure that I take the opportunity seriously if it happens. 

And if I never ride another Renegade Gent's Race again? I'm good with that. I will never be bitter about that possibility. I have already made so many great memories that it cannot be measured in value. Friendships were made. Experiences shared. Things I am not very proud of and things I am extremely proud of are parts of those memories. The Gent's Race will always be a highlight of my life. The possibility of adding to that? I'll take the chances......