Sunday, January 21, 2007

Sloping Top Tube Madness: Revisited

Okay, sometime ago I went on a rant that got some folks over the pond up in arms and created a bit of a dust up here in the States as well. Just recently I recieved the following in an e-mail from a friend that remembered the controversy and offered this as something he thought I'd find humourous. Well, I did and thought I'd share.

This is from an unknown author that posted to an unknown thread, (unknown to me) on Mountain Bike Review. Maybe somebody reading this can credit the author, but it is one fine piece of sarcasm. I will forewarn you that it is a bit off color, so be aware. Without further adieu........

from my friend...("Here’s a little ditty that a friend of mine sent last night. It’s a post off MTBR. I think you and your 400mm seatposts will enjoy reading it.")

original statement on mtbr in regards to a cruiser type mtb..."[That bike looks like a real nut cracker. Don’t get me wrong, cool bike, but not worth the risk of testicular damage.]

Is this really a problem? It has been mentioned a LOT lately anytime a cruiser-type bike pops up. In 23 years of mountain biking I can't recall one single instance of hitting the top tube. What are people doing that would instill this fear? No-footers off of 10-foot drops? Riding with no saddle a la Cindy Whitehead?

Wait, now that I think about it . . . Back in the "old days" we rode frames that were too big for us with level top tubes. Guys were nutting themselves all the time. At the races, the trails were littered with riders curled up in the fetal position holding their bloody nads. It was horrible. I lost my right testicle at the Rockhopper in '86. I never found it. RIP, little buddy.

Across the nation, the new fad of mountain biking was claiming victim after victim. Emergency rooms could barely handle the flow of casualties. The birth rate plummeted. The government stepped in and banned mountain biking on many trails in an effort so slow the damage, but it was too late; we were all sterile by that point.Thankfully someone coined the phrase "standover," and saved this generation of mountain bikers from the gruesome catastrophe we lived through in the '80s.

Now, this evil has once again reared its ugly head. The cruiser is back, and something must be done. These defenseless little fun balls need your help. Please, join me and Sally Struthers in our fight against cruiser frames. For just 10 cents a day, you can help provide Jeff Jones frames with low standover to those in need. The nuts you save might just be your own.Take it from someone who knows. I'd give my left (and only) nut to have my right one back."

Ha! I thought that was a hoot! I think the point is, we all get worried about alot of things these days. Wheel size, top tube length, standover, brakes, and the list goes on. All we really need to do is ride. Those mtb pioneers rode their bikes and did exploits and had fun doing it on machines that alot of us would turn our nose up at and say, "I'd rather not ride than ride that!"

I think we need to check the attitude and enjoy what we've got a bit more. Top tube clearance issues included!

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